TA and Coaching Blog no 2

Quite often, when working in the coaching relationship I will hear a coachee expressing a self limiting belief.  As a TA coach, there are a couple of different TA theories I could apply when this happens, and in this blog, I am going to talk about one of them, the concept of Rackets.
One of the ways of describing a Racket is when we hold a belief about ourselves, formed early in our childhood.  We manipulate our environment and filter out important information in order to prove to ourselves that we are right to hold that belief – so keeping us stuck with an unhelpful, self-limiting view of ourselves and what we can expect from life.
For instance if as a grown up, I hold a belief like “I can’t think clearly” I may act accordingly: waffling, hesitant, stumbling over my words etc.  This belief may then get reinforced as the person I am talking with gets impatient and shows it, interrupts me or in other ways shows me they are not listening to me. 
I can then say to myself: “See! They think I’m muddle-brained too!”
The point is, I have created my reality by not giving myself time to think clearly, to marshal my thoughts before I speak.  This becomes a closed-loop system – we go around and around, stuck in the same place.
As a coach I will be listening for the signs that alert me to my coachee running a racket and will positively challenge: what are the ways we can break this loop – at the reinforcement stage, or the action stage or go for the root cause, the belief itself?  What exploration does the coachee need?  What action do they need to take to stop running the racket and support themselves with a more positive focus?
Awareness is the key.  Once people are aware of their rackets, the patterns of behaviour they see themselves in, they can do something about it.
My role as coach is to help them see that behaviour so that they have choices to change if they want to, and ways to make the desired change.
If you are interested in learning more, please make enquiries through our website (www.trianglepartnership.com).

Team Leader Development Programme

Crown Pet Foods - Team Leader Development Programme
In October this year, Crown Pet Foods launched a brand new developmental programme for Team Leaders in the factory at our Castle Cary site.
Working with Lynda Tongue from Triangle Partnership, a learning and development consultancy based in Devon, Shane Evans put forward the developmental aims he had identified for the programme.
Shane had consulted with Paul Crocker, Operations Manager and Alex Chadwick (P and O Director) to ensure that the programme provided the skills and development appropriate for the challenges of the Team Leader role.
The Team Leaders had previously attended a four day programme called the Academy 101 where they were introduced to some of the tools of Transactional Analysis (TA).  TA is a psychological approach to communication and relationship building which provides a set of interlocking tools and concepts to help us understand what makes us tick, and where we can get in our own way and make life difficult for ourselves – and others!
Lynda Tongue designed a programme to build on the learning from the 101, supporting participants to use the TA concepts within the context of team leadership.   In addition, areas such as Leadership Style, Communication, Motivation, Team Building and Handling Poor Performance were also designed into the programme.
A launch was held in October with a 2 hour session to give an opportunity for participants to ask questions and develop a learning contract with their manager to identify their personal learning goals.
The two modules took place at the beginning of November and December at Dillington House, a splendid venue with spacious training rooms and grounds.  Lynda used a varied mix of teaching input, small group exercises, discussions and simulation exercises to enhance the learning.  Much of it was fun too!
Individual presentations were held a couple of weeks after Module 2, where participants talked about their personal learning, and what they had taken away with them from the course.

Paul Dunford said “It was a great atmosphere for learning”, while Stuart Robbins commented that “The feedback from my peers, and the Bridge too Far exercise were invaluable.”  Kerry Hatcher and Rob Tucker both said the tools were useful in their personal lives too.
Lucian Padararu said “The course was incredible – I discovered a lot about myself”.
At the end of the presentations, Paul Crocker gave his thanks, expressing his appreciation of the work that had gone into those presentations and encouraging the Team Leaders to use their new tools.
After a couple of photos were taken, certificates and books given out, all present went off to a celebratory dinner in the rather grand library at Dillington House.

Coaching and TA

For me, coaching is a powerful, future-focussed enabling process which facilitates positive change. I use many resources when I am working with individuals but the psychodynamic approach of Transactional Analysis (TA) with its framework of interlocking concepts and tools, gives my coaching practice a robustness and depth which underpins all my coaching conversations.

Listening to the language the coachee uses gives me clues about what might be going on for them, what drives their behaviour, where they might be holding themselves back and not achieving their potential. Teaching them the models and tools means that they can go away and reflect, practice, apply and analyse for themselves what is happening and what options they might have going forward.
I will be listening to hear where they might be discounting – limiting beliefs about self, others or the situation. I may be tracking which Ego State they are in (Parent, Adult or Child) and be looking to decontaminate the Adult by some reality-checking questions. I may teach them Game theory, racket analysis or Working Styles – it all depends on what the coachee is presenting with, and what our contract is between us, and the organisation too if they are paying for the coaching programme.
All the while I am listening and observing my client, I am aiming to monitor myself – which Ego State am I coming from? Am I tracking the contract? Am I getting into one of my drivers – how is that impacting on our conversation? Am I staying out of game invitations, running my rackets, giving enough positive strokes when appropriate?

Over the coming weeks, I will be writing more about the use of TA in the coaching relationship, taking some of the TA tools and showing how they might be applied in the coaching context.
If you have any queries, please be in touch through my website (www.trianglepartnership.com) or Twitter.

TA Coach programme starts 1&2 Oct! Learn coaching & #transactionalanalysis basics & change direction!

Diary of a TA Trainer – 15 June 2011 – Issue 6

Last week I ran a Stress Management workshop and I introduced the group to the concept of contracting as it relates to stress.

So many people overload themselves with tasks for other people because they don’t like to say no (Please People?), or because they do not know how to delegate, or more often do not want to lose control (Be Perfects?).  And then there are those who don’t have time to find the person who should be doing the task, so do it themselves (Hurry Ups?) and those who exhaust themselves volunteering so much (Try Hards?) …….and Be Strongs feel they should do everything themselves anyway …….!

We can get ourselves overloaded, stressed-out, irritable and down-right depressed and often, we only have ourselves to blame!  How daft is that?

Actually, the good thing is, once realised that it is down to us, we also have the ability to put it right, and the TA tool to help us with that is contracting.

This is a handout I gave out at the workshop – I hope you find it useful:

Contracting for Control
How often have you felt overwhelmed by your workload?  How often have you felt – I can’t cope with this lot, its not fair!?

We often feel out of control, drowning in a sea of paper-work and disappearing under the weight of responsibility and yet more tasks.  The sad thing is, we often only have ourselves to blame!  Not a very palatable truth – it is much easier to blame somebody else, but the truth is, maybe we were not very assertive when asked to take on yet another job, or maybe we didn’t say no when we should have done, maybe our need to be liked and considered  a good team player got in the way of our reality.  The reality of an already full diary, a “to do list” of gigantic proportions and many people justifiably wanting a piece of your time and attention!

Contracting is:

“An explicit bilateral commitment to a well-defined course of action”
Eric Berne (1966)

Contracting is about transparency.  Being really clear about what you want, what your expectations are, what your concerns are about the matter at hand, what help you feel you might need etc.  Contracting is also about accounting for others – who else is involved?  Who do I need to talk to about this issue?

Contracting can have its uncomfortable side – because it is also about surfacing things that much of the time get left unsaid.  These things usually  get in the way and sabotage our success.  Getting it out in the open means that the difficulties can be planned for, the “sticky” areas discussed and acknowledged.  If we lead them unsaid – they can nag away at us internally, bring us down, send our stress levels soaring as we worry about the issue.
Contracting and your workload
Contracting is appropriate at every event where people meet or work together  and especially when people may have different views or understanding.

• Meetings
• Team meetings
• Coaching sessions
• Training sessions
• Discipline sessions
• Planning sessions
• Giving feedback
• Receiving feedback
• Managing performance sessions
• Review meetings
• Customer or supplier meetings
 In fact any interaction between two or more people needs a contracting process. 

Contracting – the benefits
Contracting in a clear and transparent way offers protection against setting yourself up to fail.  If you contract clearly, you are asking the other parties for what you want, you are agreeing to what needs to be done and what your part in the project is, you are agreeing to objectives, timescales, methods of work etc.

Having the confidence to state, right at the beginning what you are prepared to do and how you are prepared to do it safeguards against taking on too much, promising more than you can achieve without working around the clock.

How to carry out a Contracting Process
Contracting is often a continual refining process.  There is a clear starting point, as stated below - although not always in this order:

Practical issues
• Discuss then agree the practical issues, who, when, where, by when, using what resources
• Discuss then agree the tasks involved and develop joint objectives that all buy into and believe are achievable
• Discuss and agree how you will work together.  What is useful, and sometimes what is not useful too

Professional issues

• Have we the skills and knowledge to undertake this agreement?
• Is it a measured risk? 
• Are we putting ourselves or others at risk? 
• Would it be appropriate to ask for more technical support?

Psychological issues
• Have we worked together before and to what degree of success? 
• Who is attending and for what reason? 
• What are the motives of the people in this team?
• How might I or others sabotage this process and why?
• Do we trust each other?

Diary of a TA Trainer - Issue 4

Last week I ran a workshop for 8 CEOs who lead national charities. I offered this day as a free introduction to Transactional Analysis – but with strings attached.

I wanted a group to work with, while being filmed in order to produce a short video for my website which would show me teaching TA and would also be an opportunity to get some testimonials.

In this blog I want to talk about the power of clear contracting, and working from an I’m Ok, You’re Ok life position.

I knew what I wanted, and I was happy to ask for it. I had fairly recently launched my new website but I was aware it was not quite finished. A few months ago I had got to know a charity when I worked with their senior management team and so I contacted the CEO and put my proposal to him. He very quickly organised 8 participants from his network of contacts, and the date and details were soon arranged. He saw it as a “win-win” opportunity.

So the procedural level of the contract included timings, venue, the subject of the day – an introduction to TA – and of course the date.

Prior to the programme I sent out joining instructions and a storyboard. The storyboard was very clear in describing how I thought the day would go, how the filming would be done and what I needed from them. I also gave the participants an opportunity to contact me with any queries.

The professional level of the contract was met as I offered protection (the film would not have audio of the group work, only their testimonials) and also that they would have the final say so before the film went public.

The psychological level of the contract was covered when these points were re-iterated at the start of the day, our first opportunity to be face to face.

The day before I had met with the camera man and we discussed how we would work together and what he needed from me and from the group. He then spoke with the group before we started the filming.

We said we wanted lively interaction, lots of energy and for the group to relax. We got just that! And each participant happily gave a testimonial to the camera – and the finished video will soon be available on the website.

We had a fabulous day, the group were so engaged in the subject – they found TA to be a useful framework for development for teams and individuals alike.

If we look at Steiner’s (1974) elements of contracting:

• Competence – I am confident that I had the competence to teach the material. The cameraman was competent in his lack of intrusiveness and the quality of the questions he asked and the participants were competent in their ability to learn
• Valid consideration – the group got a free development day, I got a marketing tool for my website and the cameraman got paid!
• Mutual consent – everybody was there of their own free will
• Lawful object – we did not and will not, contravene the law

All parties to this contract benefitted – and the experience was enjoyed by all.

Diary of a TA Trainer - Issue 3

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks, varied as usual with phone supervision sessions, coaching sessions, working with groups and marking assignments.

It is amazing how different groups can be. I had a fun day yesterday working with a group of participants who were mostly all CEOs of different charities. I invited the group together through a person who had attended a Transactional Analysis 101 with me, on the proviso that we could film the group working, as part of a promotional video for the Triangle Partnership website.

I ran the day as an “Introduction to TA” workshop, and covered Ego States, Strokes, Games and Working Styles.

The group dynamic was lively, warm and engaged. The participants asked great questions and there were aha! moments galore! They could see immediately the very practical application of using TA tools in their professional and personal lives.

I ran a group last week in Kiev where the most exciting thing was seeing some people burst through barriers they had built for themselves around completing assignments.

Procrastination seemed to be a theme – and drivers were getting in the way of achievement. The Be Perfects were not starting their ICDTA Certificate assignments because of the need to do it perfectly, the Try Hards were not starting because there was a chance they would finish – and then they would not be able to Try Hard! Injunctions such as “Don’t succeed” and “Don’t think” were contributing to the energy-sapping procrastination brain-drain and once-accounted for – the relief was amazing to see!

Participants changed to a more resourceful state, heaved a sigh of relief and lowered their shoulders. They went away with a plan to succeed. I am looking forward to the results!

Which injunctions are holding you back, dragging your performance down like Trojan horses in your computer?

• Don’t exist
• Don’t succeed
• Don’t be important
• Don’t think
• Don’t
• Don’t belong
• Don’t feel
• Don’t be who you are
• Don’t be a child
• Don’t grow
• Don’t be well/sane
• Don’t be close

What permissions will you give yourself?

Have fun this Easter!

Diary of a TA Trainer – 1 April 2011 - Issue 2

It has been an interesting couple of weeks since my last blog. Lots of variety – conducting coaching, training, supervision sessions, as well as training and supervision with me on the receiving end.

In my last blog I mentioned teaching TA concepts to a group in a manufacturing context, and how I was looking forward to module two, when I would be teaching Ego States, Discounting and Games.

If I am honest, I was also slightly nervous – teaching a group Game theory often has the effect of increasing the level of games in the group – and there were enough of them going on already in this group!

As it happened, I need not have worried. We did have a very sticky start when we re-examined the contract, as one member challenged our agreement around confidentiality. Apparently, his manager was aware of things that had happened on Module 1. This lead to an interesting discussion on confidentiality and how I as a leader of the group could not guarantee it. This naturally took us on to a discussion about three-corner contracting (English, 1975) and what were the rights and responsibilities of each of the parties.

It was a good discussion – and one where expectations were further clarified. Recognition of the fact that the organisation was investing time and money in the development of the participants and that they had an expectation that they would apply their learning highlighted to the participants the need for them to take some responsibility.

We then went on to have a really excellent two days. Our exploration of Functional Ego States created light bulb moments for some of the participants as they could see where they were putting their energy – and the result that it got them! The Steps to Success exercise focussing on Discounting absorbed them all as they coached each other to success and solved real problems they were facing. And the session on Games was lively! It was also a real eye-opener for many.

As the trainer of this group I modelled the behaviour: staying grounded in my Integrated Adult, surfacing power plays, not getting hooked into Games, staying I’m OK/You’re OK (but challenging the behaviour), looking after myself in order to remain calm while experiencing hostility from the group (rather tough for a Please People to experience!). And it was worth it!

The best bit came a week later when they each gave a 10 minute presentation to the rest of the group and four of their managers on what they had learned, what they had used and what had worked for them. I enjoyed thoughtful, authentic and touching accounts from most of the participants as they revealed their thinking and experience in their presentation.

From a very rocky beginning in Module 1, using the tools of TA in a very practical way, we had turned things around and together made the programme an outstanding success.

I can’t wait for the next group!

Diary of a TA Trainer – 28 February 2011 - Issue 1

My name is Lynda Tongue, and I am a Learning and Development Consultant and a Provisional Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst (Organisational field).

To celebrate the launch of my new website I have decided to write a regular piece as a blog which aims to give information along personal development themes, and to encourage interest in Developmental Transactional Analysis.

Some time ago I sent into the ether via Blogspot a couple of blogs to “test the water”. And since then I  have noticed a reluctance to commit myself to regular offerings. I wonder why? Is it because I have not had time? Or is it because I have some hesitation about how it will be received? Probably the latter. What if nobody reads it? I have one follower so far (thank you Amalia in Romania!), but I hope that following will grow because I have a mission: to introduce the tools and concepts of a psychological framework called Transactional Analysis to a wider audience. Well, as wide an audience as I can reach – the world wide web should do it!

Is anybody interested? Well, Amalia is, so I am going to continue!

I run leadership development programmes in organisations and I always introduce the framework of a psychological approach to communication called Transactional Analysis. I run workshops for trainers and coaches, or anybody who has a desire for personal development, and I also provide a qualifications route for those who want to qualify as Transactional Analysts.

Transactional Analysis (TA) is a theory of personality, a theory of child development and a powerful communications tool which can be used to enhance relationships. For more information, visit the website: www.trianglepartnership.com.

I have just had a challenging and interesting two days working with a group from a manufacturing organisation. The contract with the organisation broadly speaking was for personal development and to enhance communications within the team. A launch of the four day programme had taken place two weeks before the first day of the programme. The launch (a two hour session), gives us all a chance to get to know each other, and for participants to ask questions.

The Launch is designed to help with the Time Structuring process – so I was rather surprised when the contracting session with the group on Day 1 was a rather difficult and protracted process. The group did not want to be there!

Now this is not exactly an unknown situation for me – people arrive on training courses often feeling worried, or confused as to why they were asked to attend – or even feeling scared as to what this might entail.

I normally manage the process with appropriate use of Ego States – some Parent to offer protection and reassurance and some Natural Child to encourage engagement with the group. I could see some of the participants relaxing and looking more comfortable, but a couple of people brought their Rebellious Child out to play …….. and they continued to play for two days, really challenging my ability to stay grounded in my Internal Adult!

I had various options which I considered, and I chose to confront appropriately and firmly, addressing the contract and being mindful of the other participants who definitely were there to learn.

And it started me thinking once again about how we can put barriers in the way of our own progress, and stop ourselves from seizing opportunities for development when they present themselves. But more of that in a future blog …….

I finished the couple of days feeling as though I had been challenged, but also looking forward to Module 2 when we will be looking at Discounting, Games, and Ego States.

Perhaps the individuals concerned will find something useful to apply to themselves and their lives – or maybe I will finish the module realising that just because I find the personal insights TA brings me are enriching, life enhancing and just downright practical – not everybody feels the same!

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